Fallen...

My entire existance is so fucked up right now...and it's all my fault.
It just wasn't worth it.
I guess I just didnt realize that I was one glide away from falling thru the ice.
I've failed the test again, and there is no retest this time.
I feel like the boy who cried wolf.
I thought I was there before, and said I was...but I fell.
Last talk, I reached an epiphany...
This time feels completely different from the rest.
This time I really am motivated.
This time it really is in my head just how important this is, I am.
This time I really do know what the argument is about.
This time I didn't simply agree to get out of hot water.
This time I truly understood with nearly all my being.
But,
Old habits die hard.
So what, my mistake isnt drugs and going in and out of rehab.
Laziness is my drug.
I had a relapse...
but I am unforgiven.
I'm booted and banished.
A mistake that honestly wasn't worth it.

My relationship...
over.
I have no family
I have no friends
I am alone.

All for the 10 minutes lying in bed as she walked in.