The Rebound...

Its so hard.

I cant believe how bad it hurts this time. I mean it hurt before with Kristie, but I've never felt pain like this. All I want to do is cry and its the only thing I can think about. I know that it is the right thing, but my heart and the emotional side of me cant let go. I keep trying to wrap my mind around the idea that on Friday she will leave. She will go back to Las Vegas and continue to live her life, a new life that doesnt include me as a significant other. I understand it all, and you cant give what you dont have; so I just need to suck it up, be a woman and move on. I swear if I could just go a moment without thinking about it, maybe I can breathe again.

I do know one thing, Im not going to rush head first into another relationship. Im not gonna make someone my rebound. Because that would just be wrong. I will say, I intend to have some fun and meet some new people and rush head first into this quarter in school. Ive learned a few valuable lessons and one of which is that life goes on. Not necessarily when you want it to or how you want it to, but it does. Who knows...after she is gone maybe things will be even more clear to me and all of this hurt that I feel will subside. Until next time...

I hate holidays

I swear, when it rains it pours. It jus seems like nothing in my life can workout right. It has to be me, I guess I deserve things to be this way. Mark my words though...this is not how Im going to spend next year. Too much bullshit this past year, especially the end of it. It all jus happens at once. My mom and her bullshit, my lil sister living with me, and then finally I get dumped...Its my fault though, cuz I set myself up to be a rebound and blinded myself from seeing it.

Its all good though, cuz just like the tattoo that Im getting, I WILL PERSEVERE! I always do and always will...minor setbacks is all. I really hate the holidays. They're so fuckin depressing. I spent thanksgiving alone and Christmas will be the same. I swear its jus another day. Its all good though. I dont even know what the hell or why the hell Im typing. It feels so good jus to rant and get it out. No responce, no judgement. Im sick of being criticized and joked on. I feel like a new person. I thought I was guarded with myself before.....

I will never again be put into a situation where I fall vulnerable. This year says goodbye to the nice, compassionate, giving Crystal, and ushers in the I could give two shits less, cold and frigid, its whatever ice queen....