For An Angel

Can I talk to you
For a minute
There's something on my mind
That I wanna say
Oh reality is,
takin control of me cause I know, baby
I know that you're not with me
Oh loving you boy
I wanna contradict my word
I belong with you,
I do truly wanna know (wanna know)

[Chorus]
When you hear me talkin,
watcha think
When you lookin into my eyes,
watcha see
I know you ain't tryna to be my man
Watcha think about us bein friends,
makin plans
To be everything we wanna be,
makin our dreams turn reality
I'm diggin everything you appear to be
And I'm wonderin if we could be real good good friends

So emotional,
you know I am
That's why you do me the way you do me,
if you be cool wit me
You'll see, that I'm all you need and all that you dream
And never would leave,
you'll be by my side forever
Swear to God we'll grow old together,
then reality would be you and me

[Chorus]
When you hear me talkin,
watcha think (oh yea)
When you lookin into my eyes,
watcha see (when you see mebaby)
I know you ain't tryna to be my man
Watcha think about us bein friends,
makin plans (sometimes Ithink your so so so scared)
To be everything we wanna be, makin our dreams turn reality
I'm diggin everything you appear to be
And I'm wonderin (wonderin)
if we could be (we could be)friends

If we could be friends,
baby
You'll be all I need,
baby
I'll give you wat ever you want and never would leave you afront
And be wat you need, baby
Be all I have, baby
And I'd be there for you,
and never would front do wat you do

[Chorus]
When you hear me talkin,
watcha think
When you lookin into my eyes,
watcha see (watcha see)
I know you ain't tryna to be my man
Watcha think (watcha think) about us bein friends,
makinplans
To be everything we wanna be,
makin our dreams turn reality
I'm diggin everything you appear to be
And I'm wonderin if we could be real good good friends
If we could be friends, baby
You'll be all I need, baby
Oh shuba dub du du du
Be everything you wanna be
Making our dreams turn reality
I'm diggin everything you appear to be
And I'm wonderin...

To Her...

Since I couldnt manage to get a hold of her, I sent her a message and apologized but her responce was....
It doesnt matter anyway...
This whole thing between us has been on my mind all day and night, to find out that she went to Chicago to see her...it tears me apart. But it also helps me to move on. So in responce to her I wrote...

Yeah, I realize it doesnt matter, honestly I dont think that anything does to you. You have confirmed a lot of things for me. How you can just go to Chicago and see that cock lovin bitch its beyond me, especially after hearing you constantly talk about how she does you. She's selfish and bi, and thats not gonna change. But if thats what you want, more power to you. That was so wrong that you had me over for nothing more than to use my computer. The whole time you didnt talk to me, all you did was text; you barely let me touch you which is fine and dandy. The way Im feelin right now has nothing to do with sex, contrary to what you think, its a matter of the heart. I have given up so much for you, and was willing to go even farther, but you havent shown me anything recently that would indicate that my sacrifices have even been worth the end outcome (hell you cant even talk to me unless you want something, or there is no one else). Your over me, and thats fine. I would just have appreciated that instead of you having me over and leading me on that u have just told me that you really want nothing to do with me. I hope that you figure yourself out, and find whatever it is thats gonna make you happy in a way that i cant. I love you, and always will, Im just done. This is something that i truely mean, you've had or will have sex with her, and because of that I dont want you. I havent had sex since the last time that I was with you, but Im pretty sure over the next few days thats gonna change. So I hope that she's worth it, because you will never be with me again. We coulda had a real future together...what do you and would you have with her, maybe something until she decides to leave u and fuck Adam or some other guy...well anyway, Ive got work in the morning so I guess Ill talk to u whenever.


Her responce was...

I don't have to have your permission to come to chicago.....Yes i wanted to see her, but I just needed to get away from Columbus and mitchell for a min.... And I don't care if you go back and tell him that i said that, seeing how he told me yall are best friends again. Ha! Whatever I thought you respected my wishes on that?....And i don't need you to use your computer wtf? I was burning a damn Cd. NOT that serious......you're just mad cuz everytime you tried to come onto me, I wasn't feeling it. Sorry, but when i told you i didn't really want to be around you or anything til Sept. i meant it. But you chose to still come around, so I just tried to be cool with you. True, I lost you to that bitch, but in the end you've lost me. cuz you haven't went about this whole situation the right way....So when you say i'll never be with you again, do you think i truly care? not anymore.

Then I said...

No, you dont have to have my permission to go to chicago, but if you cared anything about me you would have shown a lil compassion about the way I felt for you. But like I said before, you wanna be with that bitch its all fine and dandy. Second, Mitchell and I aren't bestfriends. The only reason I called was because I wanted to figure out what the hell was going on, since you didnt have the courtesy to tell me. Its not like we talked about anyting besides you. Your wishes would have been respected had you let me know what was up. Mitchell is cool peoplez, Im not tryin to bring him into anything. Finally I chose to come around because you kept calling me. But its all cool. Like you said you'er over me, and the more I think about this whole situation the easier it makes it for me to say FUCK YOU. So I guess you do you and I'll do me. Maybe one day we can be friends

Then she said...

I'm not with anybody actually....And no fuck showing any compassion for how you feel....I know how you feel but i was tired of hearing it. And don't try to put it all on me, that the reason you came over was cuz i call you....WHO wanted me to come pick them up at 1 n the morning cuz they wanted to see me? And how many times did you say we were done talking but yet you still called. BLAh..........anyways i have better things to be doin right now, later. P.S. Fuck u too?

Then I said...

Well sorry for expressing how I felt about you. All you had to do was tell me how much you hated me and I woulda stopped. I mean I seriously think you hate me. Sorry for what I did, I made a mistake but obviously you havent forgiven me. As for wantin to see you at 1am, I was tryin to see you earlier than that but had trouble gettin ahold of u, you claimed you wanted to see me too. I wont ask you to come get me anymore. Its all cool, Ive said it before but Im really done. I know its gonna be hard but I will prevail, I always do. So have a good time doin what ur doin.

Personal Proverb

Life sucks when you cant spend it with the one person that you love most...

My Mother

My mother is a fucked up individual...
This woman really needs help. Its amazing how much she doesnt care about anyone, not even herself. She has gone too far this time, I cant take it anymore. After she pays what she owes me and I have moved into my apartment there is nothing that she can say to me unless it regards my sisters. Im gonna end this now, it honestly hurts to much to go into details. Until next time.

A Revolation...

I finally get the chance to be wit her, but it seems to her that its nothing.
Ive sacrificed so much for the little bit of time that we are allotted...
Hell I could be with my family, I havent seen them since last year, but Im here
Where she texts other bitches, and treats me as though I dont mean anything.

I swear Im just here so that she can use my computer and talk to other bitches...
and of course burn fuckin CDs...

This is a last. Ive reached a realization, whats past is past and it is the past for a reason.
Its not about sex for me, contrary to belief. If I wanted sex I can get it...but I havent for the simple fact that she is the only one who Ive wanted to make love to. Ive told "my girl" no I dont know how many times in the last month. Its so frustrating. I cant help that Im horny... its been fuckin FOREVER. Well I guess next time I get the opportunity, I will jus bang tha fuck outta my girl. And that'll be the end of it. Im so frustrated that Im fuckin shakin! This is ridiculous... Im really fuckin done, a new revalation has been reached. Forget september, forget it all... Im done, its not worth it anymore.