blah...and another epiphany!

Work has a way of just making you feel all...blahhhh

Im tryin to get outta blah mode but everything has jus been so boring, I really need a pick me up today.

I know Im bein inconsistant and choppy, but I jus wanted to make note of how often things change and we dont even notice them. Take me for instance, I have never relied on anyone in my life. I have never really needed for affection or anything of the nature, until recently. Ive noticed that since Kristie and I have had our downs these past couple weeks, I've been more attention hungry than I've ever been in my life, and it totally freaks me out. Not to say that I'm overly needy or anything...but this protective wall that I have built seems to be coming down.

Growing up I didn't recieve a lot of affection and I had a lot of responcibility (ie takin care of my lil sisters). When your the oldest and have two disfunctional parents, you tend to mature quickly and grow thick skin. You don't need any psychological reinforcement, or physical affection. All you need is to be sure that your younger siblings will be okay and that they'll have food to eat, or that Christmas will be good for them. (by the way I honestly HATE Christmas...) Anyway, it's a little scary, but at this stage in my life I feel as though it's time to let my guard go a little. Maybe as I'm workin on becoming a shrink, I'll fix myself in the process lol. Anyway I think I'm gonna take a nap...Until next time, holla atcha girl!